Real Talk: Human to God

The Troubling Tales of Adulthood Transition

by Cella Mahoney

That is the title of the journal I have just begun. I think it is fitting, although it does sound like a real book title. I think perhaps I will make a book of poems and short stories with some illustrations (of course) under that title. 

I will explain a little more about my journal though. I have kept a journal since I was about 10 years old, definitely since 5th grade. This journal is number 19. I have mostly filled 18 journals out of 13ish years. I've kept a journal because writing has always helped sort out all of my thoughts. As my dad's observation of my first draft essays - I tend to pour out information all out of order, and then must reassemble the thoughts for them to make sense. 

Everyone who journals has their own way of journaling and for me? I write letters. Some of my journals were given to me by a friend, so I would dedicate that journal to that friend and write most of the letters in that journal to them. I wouldn't write to them just to fill in the name, I would really write to them specifically, personally. Very often I would write to my crush at the time and man, those are embarrassing to read out loud. Sometimes I would write to a friend who I was angry at, trying to sort out exactly why I was angry. Or I would write to you, a reader I do not know. Or I would write to God! Or Mary sometimes. Or one of the saints. 

The point is, I love to write, and I especially love to write to an audience, even if it's an audience of one person, even if that one person is, in fact, me. But I really do like thinking "what if someone or so-and-so read my journal? What would they think?" because I often write in my journal as if someone just might pick it up and read it, but not because I actually believe someone would take interest! It is simply because it is entertaining to me. It doesn't matter what other would actually think of my journal and what I write in it because no one is going to read my journal, unless I'm dead and my grandchildren are nosey. 

The title of my journal, Real Talk: Human to God, The Troubling Tales of Adult Transition, is fitting for my life at the moment. I just finished filling my previous journal which I titled The Living Letters, and that took pretty much my whole year of service. My life is changing now, and while it did change a lot this past year, I have a feeling this journal is going to be filled with so much more. So many things are happening in my life and the first thing that comes to mind is, "Nobody told me that so-and-so would be like this, or that so-and-so would do this, etc". 

Transition into adulthood is one thing, but transition IN adulthood is something completely different. It's the part of adulthood that nobody tells you about before you hit that magical age of 18 or 21, or whatever age you consider to be an adult age. Nobody tells you that adulthood is actually just constant transitioning. Life doesn't change, life IS change. And who did I complain to as an emotional angsty Catholic teenager? God. Who do I talk to now? It's still God. I'm constantly going, "Uh, God? What?" and "Damn, God. You're sneaky," and "Thank you God omgggg" and "Okay God, seriously?" and... well, the list of phrases are endless. 

The point is I'm letting you know I'm taking my conversation with God in a more lighthearted manner. I don't want to be overdramatic like Tobit with all of my woes and fears (although I still am, a lot), but I also want to be completely honest. I think towards the end of my year of service I subconciously began lying to myself about how I was feeling or how really good or bad a situation was, and other things. One can lie all they want to themselves, but you can't hide the truth from God.

So there you have it. I hope you have some real talk with God this week. It'll probably do you some good.