Ye Ain't Goin Yet So Ye Better Get Goin Before Ye Do

Finally, after years of yearning, I was able to attend an actual SCBWI Conference, and not only did I get to attend the weekend following my birthday, but it was also the National Winter Conference held in NYC!

For those of you who are unaware and wished all acronyms made actual words so it'd be easier to remember, SCBWI stands for the "Society of Children Book Writers and Illustrators". It's an international group dedicated to supporting creatives and children reading.

It was truly an astounding feeling to be surrounded by over 800 people whose joy is driven by curiosity and their desire to create for children. Over 800 people together in that hotel gathered because not only do they love storytelling, they love children and they believe in children, they want to inspire and be inspired by the next generation. For a few moments my dream felt truly valid.

When I was in school for art, the illustrators of my year, near the end, majority were not interested in children's books (at least, from what I remember). I was also one out of two pro-life students from that group (that I know of?). At times I felt like my dream was childish, but, at the same time, too far-reaching. It is not easy in the publishing world to make it, let alone get your foot in the door. Heck, my foot has barely made it to the front porch! I still feel this way so often, but while I was there, despite being surrounded by talent far superior to mine, it feels possible again because I know people care about what I want to create. Every person I've ever pitched "Chance the Fairy Godmother" to adores it and it has pushed me to finally write it. So, thank you to everyone who keeps listening every time I need an ear or an eye.

For about a year and a half I was very focused on creating greeting cards because I thought that would land me a full-time job (which, incidentally, sort of did, just not in the field I want) when in reality all I want to do is to tell stories. My sketches frustrated me because I wouldn't encourage myself to sketch quick ideas that would grow to complete ones. I would try to make a complete drawing or painting in under an hour just so I would have something new to share on social media. It has been exhausting and unfulfilling.

And then my tendonitis came around and my back issues. I really felt like a barrier was being thrown at me one after the other. I mean, literally, the morning of the first day of the conference while I was on my way to work, I nearly died. Am I exaggerating? I don't think so! The day after my birthday it was raining not heavily, but consistently, and the sky was completely dismal and gray. I got onto the parkway passing a car with its flashers on that was stuck in the merge lane and thought "oo, glad I'm not that guy." And not 6 minutes later I began to exit the parkway and suddenly lost complete control of my car, swerved left, then right, swinging around, and then slamming into the rail of the exit, facing traffic. It was a miracle I didn't hit anyone and somehow, somehow, I still made it to work on time. I lost another hubcap so while I was extremely shaken, I was not deterred enough to go home.

So if that's not a sign from God saying, "Your time is limited but you ain't goin' yet so you better get to work before you do," I don't know what is.