Enjoying Uncertainty

There are a few things about me that I am absolutely certain about.

1. I know that a part of the reason I have been put on this Earth is to make people think. Personally I like taking a few steps back and reflecting on things and usually I am pretty good at it. I'm not sure if I am good at giving advice, but I know I am good at giving people things to think about. I am able to do that with my words and with my art. These were gifts given to me that I have been improving my whole life with practice and learning. These are gifts that have helped realize a lot of my purpose and mission.

2. Apart from my immediate family, I feel like I have been underestimated. Friends have either underestimated my intelligence or my talent, and they have even underestimated my life experience. Because of this, I have accomplished many things out of spite. A professor expressed he didn't believe I could pull off a certain illustration? Blew him away at the critique. Drama teacher didn't let me in the musical? Made him regret it at the talent show. Friend suprised by my vast knowledge of Catholicism and also dinosaurs? Long conversation later he was no longer surprised. I'll ask a good lead at a social dance if he'd like to dance but turns out he only dances with dancers he knows are as good as he is? Fine, I'll go ask a follow to dance instead. I don't necessarily feel like I must be constantly proving myself to everyone, but I definitely feel like I have Imposter Syndrome sometimes. Am I not trying hard enough?

3. This is going to sound weird to some, especially non-Catholics, but I know that Satan is real. I know he is constantly, CONSTANTLY, trying to drag me down, and to be honest? He succeeds a good 40% of  the time. It's exhausting, it's embarrassing. But there is some power to the knowledge that I know he doesn't want my relationship with my s/o to work out and I know Mary led us to be together. And that's why Satan hates it so much. He can't stand it. He can't stand, Mary, the Mother of God, the New Eve, subltly setting us up and being there for us. He can't stand our unbreakable friendship either. He can't stand forgiveness, he can't stand patience, and he absolutely can't stand unconditional love. Every day he finds little ways to trick me, to manipulate me. Sometimes it's through strangers, sometimes it's even through my closest friends. Many times it's just in my own head, but never, NEVER will I admit he doesn't exist. This is how I know God has something wonderful and great planned for me, because Satan keeps trying to rip me away from it. And it's not to say that I think I will have a happy-ever-after ending to my life. I just know that God's plan for me, no matter how big or small, is vital. I struggle with sin every single freakin' day because I know can't give up. I know I am important because of just how badly Satan wants to convince me otherwise. 

Those are three things I am absolutely certain about myself but we all know we aren't in total control of our lives. Life is filled with uncertainty. I'm not sure how long I will be living this house. I'm not sure if I will actually be able to move or not. I'm not sure about when things will work out, but I know that they will indeed work out. I know about my purpose and mission but how it plays out? That is still something uncertain to me.

So how can I enjoy uncertainty? I cannot control most of the uncertain things, but I can remind myself of the solid facts that keep me grounded. Satan hates me. Nothing is impossible with God. I'm here for a reason.

Satan hates me. What a weird... but kind of proud... feeling.