Making Art For Money

I am an illustrator.

By that statement it should be assumed that I make art for money.

I never realized how challenging this would be until I had to do it.

When I make art freely without having to worry about people's judgements, for example, doodling in my sketchbook, or painting random people's portraits for fun, I don't get stressed out. There is nobody there but myself to criticize my work. I do not feel extremely obligated to make anything perfect. I'm just making art for fun, and for figuring things out. There is no pressure to making this kind of art.

Then people started commissioning me.

At first it's exciting because it's like, wow! I am doing what I love for money! That's the American Dream, right? Do what you love so you never work a day in your life, right? RIGHT?

Full Time Adulting is a true challenge, especially if one wants to pursue the freelance business.

There are two types of commissioners. There are many subcategories, but here are the two that surpass the rest.

The first commissioner: The-Perfectionist-Idealist-My-Idea-All-Mine-guy

and the second commissioner: Oh-I-Don't-Know-You-Figure-Out-I-Trust-You-guy


It's hard to pick which one is preferable because while the second guy gives you unlimited freedom for artist interpretation, he still has an expectation and there is no way to figure out what that expectation exactly is unless you know them well enough and even then you could be wrong.

Meanwhile the first guy will tell you exactly what he wants and if you so much as step 1 inch away from that picture he will be disappointed and may never hire you again or say bad things about you.

Either way it's a cinch to fail, but an incredible accomplishment to succeed.

This is why you run into two types of artists (which of course there are subcategories of):

The first artist: Believe-Me-I-Know-Best-And-Don't-Give-A-Damn-What-You-Think-artist

The second: I-Just-Want-To-Please-You-How-Do-I-Please-You-Please-Don't-Hurt-My-Feelings-artist

To be honest, many fall somewhere in between. I know I do, but too often I feel like the second artist. Once I get commissioned for art the initial feeling is YES, SWEET! which is immediately followed by: oh crap I have to make this good like really good like better than anything else I have ever made because otherwise they will be disappointed in my work and not want to pay me and everything will suck.

I have done commissions for people feeling unsatisfied with my work. I give it to them, praying they'll at least be frank about it, but worried they want me to redo it and will expect me to without pay.

Well, that has not happened. Yet. Most of my commissioners have been ecstatic about the pieces I hand them because it's either exactly what they imagined or even better, and Every Single Time I am surprised and relieved. Every time.

And yet, the anxiety is overwhelming. It makes me question "Why did I want to do this in the first place? Why didn't I pursue a degree that would allow me to continue art as my hobby?"

Because I have something to say. I have something unique to share. I think one day I will have a name for myself out there. One day people will recognize my art, my storytelling, they will recognize me. 

I will probably never get comfortable pricing my work, but I know I am better at it than before. I know that I do work better when I am paid upfront rather than with only the finished product, or at least paid partially upfront. I'm getting the hang of it.

The important thing for me to remember is to never stop making art, whether it be for money or nothing because art is never made for nothing. I started making art for me, for my friends, for my family, for God.

So please for the love of God someone hire me so I can finally apply for a place to live, I'm running out of time here!